Have an Irish drought on us

While not up to the silliness evident in the Dec. 8 edition, the Dec. 26 edition of the Herald-Press was a day-after-Christmas gift that was truly a delight to unwrap.
The fun, however, was mostly in the cover -- the top half of Page 1, in fact.
We have, at the top, the Irish ending their bowl "draught." Green beer, we assume, which would be a good way for the Irish to end a drought.
We really liked the story about the dead truck driver. Four paragraphs, and it's a scream.
We start with the first paragraph: "At 9:30 a.m. Wednesday the body of a Woodburn resident was found."
The rules of English composition and the standards of good journalism say that the most important information should be printed at the beginning of the story. So the most important information was not where he was found or what he died from. The most important thing is that he was found.
The second paragraph: "He pulled over to the side of the road and was found dead at the scene." You know, if he had just kept driving, he might still be alive today. He was found, by the way, by "Sargeant" Tom Tallman, who used to be a sergeant, but that was in the old days.
The coroner said that he was "found fairly quickly." Probably because he pulled over to the side of the road. Dead men drive no semis.
Finally, the autopsy determined that he had died due to a pulmonary emboli. The media is good at reporting a fact like those.
We go on to the story about Warren's potholes. The fifth paragraph describes how the potholes are formed. I can't for the life of me figure it out.
The sixth paragraph is a gem: "Wabash Central's function in Warren is to service the mills, which Cartwright says is only 26 miles long and the mill isn't a big profit center for them." We have a multiple choice matching game here: Figure out what we mean by "service the mills," exactly what is only 26 miles long, and who or what is the "them" in the concluding sentence. We asked the people behind the Cray supercomputer to work on that; the computer blew up.
Also, the cutlines refer to "Warren Town Council Bill Cartwaright," which is (probably) supposed to be Warren Town Council President Bill Cartwright, but who knows? I ran it past my Italian friends and they said the "a" was in the wrong place. They pronounce his name "cart-a-right."
Don't mistakes just irritate you?